monday december 22nd, 2003. thats the day i quit smoking.
after 25 years and over a pack a day. i havent had so much as a drag since.

the downside

i have gained 35 pounds.

i had to donate all of my fabulous clothes to my 12 year old niece. i now wear ponchos exclusively.

i nearly killed at least eight people.
one of them was my sweet pea.

i am no longer considered cool by my smoking pals. some even fear me.

i dont know when to stop eating as i no longer have my end of meal marker.

i cant handle my booze and drugs like i used to and now fall asleep after child sized portions of each.

airplane rides must be endured without the celebratory after flight smoke, nor the final puff before plummeting to my imagined death.

i have over thought every little thing that is wrong with myself, the world, and others. and foisted it all on my boyfriend.

i almost never have a light. hard to get a candle or fire started without one.

did i mention i gained 35 pounds?

i mean really, did i mention i gained 35 pounds?

i cant even lift 35 pounds...

well i did, and i don't think you pointing out how healthy i am now is going to help me, or save you from me kicking you in the balls/ass/shins. so shut up with that one already...

the upside

i dont wheeze anymore.

i dont cough unless i have a cold.

i dont stink, and i would know if i stank, as i can smell much better now.

my smoking pals are freezing their asses off this winter while i stay inside warm and dry.

i dont feel guilty when i see cancer commercials, statistics, or pictures of black lungs.

i can go to the movies early for a good seat and just sit there if i want to. same goes for front of the stage during concerts. no need to give up my great spot for a smoke break

airplane rides dont have the same double whammy of anxiety - fear and withdrawal. no more glassed in smoking closet of shame.

i have faced many of my fears and am still standing. as is my boyfriend.

thousands of dollars a year are now spent n me, not my monkey.

i no longer have to endure the se ff-sanctifying stares of my non-smoking pals when i return from a butt break. these folks actually listen to me now when i explain that smoking is an addiction and smokers are sick SO STOP JUDGING THEM!

I can help smokers quit by understanding their pain so much better than all the pinheads that offered me advice when i was trying to quit.

ponchos are kind of in...okay, well maybe not. but being stick thin is sooo out.

how did i do it?

cold turkey my friend.

and absolutely NO CHEATING. this is key. cheating just makes it harder. I DID NOT CHEAT. NOT ONCE. if you cheat you live a half life of deprivation. if you dont cheat, you get used to life without cigarettes. you have to have a single drag before you start again, so dont kid yourself. cheating is the enemy, not smoking, cheating. smoke or don't smoke, don't go thinking you can do both.

i gave myself a year to get over the truly hard part. its like a breakup after a long term relationship - one must go through the seasons of grieving. if you were a serious smoker then you had a serious relationship that enjoyed special occasions together, holidays and the like. give yourself a year to get over the worst part. not some silly 3 days, or a week or whatever. prioritize it for a year, don't expect to achieve success in anything unless it is a priority. let your people know that this is the focus for the year and that you don't want to be seen as successful until a year has passed without a drag. if they think that is too long to be a preoccupied bitch, well then, they should try a day of chemo. that is too long.

i gave the candy man the boot too. 'leave the hole' was my motto. i didnt substitute. when you feel a sense of emptiness, just leave it there, examine it. dont rush to fill it with candy, chips, mochachinos or some such thing. just leave it and get to know yourself and your neurosis. quitting smoking is much like self therapy. you might find that you end up dropping a bunch of loser friends, or finally broaching a tough subject with your partner, or even quit yer shitty job...well...thats a good thing. if you stuff a bunch of candy in your face you will end up with cavities, extra flab, and a new bad habit. thats a bad thing. generally, in order to give up smokes i had to consider what i was putting in my mouth. bad things should not go in. in the case of bad things, my mouth is an exit only.

things that helped:

NOT CHEATING. NOT ONCE. i can't stress this enough. if you cheat you live a half life of deprivation. if you dont cheat, you get used to life without cigarettes. you have to have a single drag before you start again, so dont kid yourself. cheating is the enemy, not smoking, cheating. smoke or don't smoke, don't go thinking you can do both.

really deep breaths. just like smoking, only they smell better.

drinking water...still not doing enough of that but it does help.

having a truly supportive boyfriend. and if he had been substandard he would be sooooo out of here by now. or i would have started again. its a great way to test your relationships sturdiness. after an initial fear infused dash for the door; my boy passed with flying colours. would yours?

not eating big meals. i still eat a lot, but many smaller meals so i dont feel stuffed and have little things to look forward to. candy doesnt help.

the smoking ban in the clubs came into effect 6 months into my quitting but it certainly helped when it happened. staying inside where you couldnt see anyone smoking helped too.

moving to bc. damn its beautiful, green and illegal/unfashionable to smoke here. way easier to squeeze fitness into ones schedule.

this one is a bit weird, but the book did seem to help and was coincidentally read right before quitting successfully:

allen carrs easy way to quit smoking.